If you're parenting a demand-avoidant kid, "put your shoes on" isn't landing as a shoe problem — it's landing as a threat. And a threatened nervous system doesn't cooperate. It fights, flees, freezes, or fawns.
 
Declarative language is the fastest shift you can make today. Instead of instructing, you describe, notice, or wonder out loud — and let your child land on the action themselves. No command. No threat response. No power struggle.