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A mom I coach told me she doesn't think of herself as a failure. Not consciously, anyway. Thirty minutes later, in the same conversation, she said it herself, unprompted: "Isn't that the same as being a failure?" I hear some version of this almost every week, and it's worth understanding why. It isn't because these parents are unusually hard on themselves. It's because identity beliefs rarely operate at the conscious level. They sit underneath your thinking, shaping how you i

My client started our call beaming. That sentence — said in one breath, no pause between the two halves — is the best example I've had in a long time of what actually changes when we shift how we parent intense kids. Not the outcomes. The meaning we assign to the outcomes. It's also a window into the two things we're actually building in our kids underneath all of it: self-trust, and relational safety. Here's the story that shows both in action. What Happened at Camp Her nine

There's a belief that quietly runs under so much of modern parenting, and it's rarely said out loud: if my kid is struggling, it means I've failed. If they're lying to us, we assume it's because we didn't raise them right. If they're melting down, it must be because we're too soft, or too strict, or not consistent enough. Somewhere along the way, we were sold the idea that our kids' struggles are a direct reflection of us — of our failures as parents. That belief has one dang

We have a fundamental misunderstanding of homework. And it’s costing kids more than anyone realizes. The model we’re operating from is simple: The student understands the material → they go home → they complete the work → they turn it in. Clean. Logical. Completely disconnected from reality. Because that model assumes something that is not true—especially for kids with ADHD, autism, or PDA profiles: That homework is one task That success comes down to effort That if they can

A personal message and a new way forward for families living with PDA If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re exhausted. Not just tired—but worn down from trying everything you were told should work, only to watch things stay the same or get harder. You may have followed the advice, changed your parenting, advocated fiercely, lowered demands, raised supports, and held on longer than you ever thought possible. And still—nothing has truly shifted. I want you to kn

What is PDA PDA is known as Pathological Demand Avoidance or Persistent Drive for Autonomy in more affirmative social models is a...

As another school year begins, we as parents are presented with a unique opportunity to foster a strong bond with their children through...